Planting Deer Food, I Mean Flowers

Photo of a package of gladiolus bulbs, a garden shovel and a packet of wildflower seeds outside on the ground.

The Easter Bunny (aka my mom) sent an Easter basket (aka a padded mailer) full of goodies. Among them were some gladiolus bulbs and a packet of wildflower seeds. It’s a sign that my mom is a true optimist.

This is not the first packet of wildflower seeds Mom has gifted to me. By my count I think it’s around the fourth. I love wildflowers. So, apparently, do the deer. I’ve ambitiously planted all the wildflower seeds Mom’s given me, but if any wildflowers bloomed, they were eaten long before I got a chance to see them.

I feel like Charlie Brown kicking the football. Maybe this year, I tell myself I’ll succeed in growing some wildflowers. Perhaps if I try growing them in a container I’ll actually get to see some of these flowers bloom. Of course, the deer are not at all shy about eating things out of containers as I’ve learned from experience. So, I’m probably just fooling myself.

I asked the internet if deer eat gladiolus and was told they don’t unless they are especially hungry. The deer around here are so especially hungry. They are as hungry as a Labrador retriever who hasn’t eaten in a full fifteen minutes.

Back when I lived in the Poconos where there were even more deer, deer so hungry they would walk up to people and nudge them to let they were about to waste away if they weren’t given a snack this very minute*, I remember being told that even if deer don’t like a particular plant they will first try it to confirm they don’t like it. Also much like anti-vaxxers they do their own research so every single deer has to have a taste to confirm the plant is yucky, and, well, if there are enough deer nibbling away at a plant soon there will be no more plant.

Still, on a chilly April morning I got out my little garden shovel and optimistically planted some gladiolus bulbs. Will I actually see some blooms? I’ll have to update you later this year with the thrilling conclusion to this tale. As for the wildflowers, I think I will attempt to grow them in some sort of container, but that means buying some more potting soil so that’s a project for another day.

— Alissa

*This sounds like hyperbole but is something that happened to me when I lived in the Poconos. So, even though I clearly wasn’t the first person to hand-feed this pushy deer, I was continuing the conditioning by grabbing a crab apple off the tree in the front yard and giving it to my wild neighbor. Every once in awhile a video will go semi-viral on the internet of people acting remarkably chill around full grown black bears roaming around their yard, and I will know without even recognizing any landmarks that it is for sure the Poconos where the divisions that separate humans and wild creatures are remarkably thin.