I’m on the internet and I stumble upon a discussion of what people miss from the early days of the internet and promptly turn into a withered old crone when I see that multiple people seem to think that My Space was the early days of the internet. I do not participate in the discussion, clearly I am much too old for the conversation, but if I were to add my two cents I would say that what I miss about the early days of the internet was how unimportant it was. It was just this thing that could be sometimes helpful and sometimes interesting, but didn’t really occupy that much of our time. Today it is this weird attention-sucking beast that has entirely too much influence on us.

It’s about a week before the election, and on Facebook I see a copy and paste diatribe posted by a friend of a friend. They lay out all the reasons this country is allegedly in trouble and why their chosen candidate is the only one that can save us from this supposed hellscape. I read the so-called facts and I think about the person who posted them, someone I know in real life (or IRL as the youth say) and it’s disorienting because none of these allegedly important issues have any bearing on this person yet here they are practically rabid with rage over these predicaments.

The internet and the algorithms that control so much of it like when people are angry. It drives engagement. When peoples’ eyeballs are on their screens it means those eyeballs are also on the advertisements that pay the salaraies of the CEOs. Keyboard warriors scream at each other all day long from the comfort of their living rooms and feel like they’re making a difference in the world while the social media CEOs rake in the big bucks.

On Facebook there is a picture of what is very obviously a cheese slicer. It’s been posted by some random, generic account along with text that reads something like “We’ve searched all over the internet and no one can tell us what this mystery object is.” Cut to the comments where response after response reads “It’s a cheese slicer.” And there with their own “It’s a cheese slicer” comment is that same friend of a friend of the copy and paste diatribe.

What is the point of engagement-bait like this cheese slicer post? I assume it has something to do with algorithms. Seeing that friend of a friend gleefully chiming in with their comment on the cheese slicer post puts their diatribe in perspective. This is not the sharpest cheese slicer in the drawer. Unfortunately there are a lot of dull cheese slicers out there who are easily manipulated by the various bots and hive minds that control online discourse.

On the internet we are looking at shower elbows. Twenty-four hours ago I didn’t know what a shower elbow was. I am jealous of my past, ignorant self. We have so many questions. Why doesn’t the overpriced handheld shower set come with this necessary part? How can they justify charging $119 for a tiny piece of metal? What does lumicoat stainless mean as a color choice and does it match brushed nickel?

We spend far too much time on the internet looking at shower elbows. On Amazon we can buy a cheap Chinese knockoff shower elbow for a fraction of the price of the name brand ones on the Lowes and Home Depot websites, but we (meaning Ron) have experience with cheap Chinese plumbing supplies from Amazon and we know down that road lies only misery. So we bite the bullet and order a $50 shower elbow from Home Depot. It’s one little part, the house next door needs so many more parts. Our future is full of frustrating internet searches. The silver lining? Now when I see a random Facebook post with a photo of a mystery object that is clearly a shower elbow I can gleefully respond with my newfound knowledge of this mystery bathroom fitting.

I watch the documentary Will & Harper on Netflix. Will Ferrel joins a recently out trans friend on a roadtrip across the country. Without giving too much away, I will say the film is full of hope. In real life people are generally nice to this unlikely duo on their journey. Of course having a celebrity and a film crew along might have an influence on the way people behave. Will Ferrel’s celebrity also means that people are snapping photos wherever they go and their journey becomes part of the online discourse. Unlike the people they encounter in real life the keyboard warriors are full of anger and hate. The internet is a strange place. It is not exactly the real world.

In real life I am driving to visit a friend who has recently moved to my neck of the woods more or less. It’s election day and my drive takes me past houses whose lawns contain homemade election signs full of doom and gloom. To read them you might think we are living in a hellscape. The computer that tells me where to turn wants me to go a different way, but I ignore it. I take the scenic route enjoying the view of the river and the fall foliage. It is a very beautiful hellscape. I have a nice day visiting with my friend. Driving home I think about the doom and gloom sign makers. Perhaps if they had a friend they could go visit they would see it isn’t so bad out there.

I think about all the keyboard warriors. Maybe if they spent more time in the real world away from their screens they would see that things aren’t as frightening as the algorithms and the echo chambers they create have made them believe. Perhaps if they had a hobby or took a road trip of their own they could find other, healthier sources of entertaining themselves.

I am aware of the irony, that in writing these words I am something of a keyboard warrior myself. I am just trying to find hope and reason in the abyss that is the internet. I miss being the sort of person that didn’t know what a shower elbow was. I miss the days when the internet was only a very small part of our everyday lives.

— Alissa

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Weekly Inspiration

What I’m Reading: Model Home by Rivers Solomon

What I’m Watching: Will & Harper

What I’m Listening to: “Going Up the Country” by Canned Heat

Find out more about my books at alissagrosso.com

Find out more about my digital art at alissacarin.com

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My apologies for the typos and such this post is almost certainly riddled with.